BIG GIRL TIME

Three years.
Whew… when I say these years have stretched me, softened me, matured me, annoyed me, blessed me, and taught me more about love than any sermon or rom-com ever could? I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Being with someone for three years, especially in your early 20s, is no small thing. These are the years where everything is changing at once. You’re trying to figure out who you are, who you want to be, what you believe about yourself, what you will and won’t tolerate, and how to build a future while your present is still taking shape.

And doing all of that with someone?
Yeah… it will grow you in ways you never expected.

This is what three years with Darius has taught me about love, about grace, and about becoming the woman I’m meant to be.

1. Love Is Not Perfect — But It Is Patient

I used to think a good relationship meant everything flowed smoothly. Now I know love isn’t the absence of conflict, it’s the commitment to return to each other with softness after the conflict.

There were moments where communication wasn’t our strong suit. Moments where avoidance felt easier than confrontation. Moments where we misunderstood each other or reacted instead of responding.

But love gave us space to learn each other.
To pause.
To choose patience over pride.

And honestly? That patience is what built us.

2. Growth Hurts… But It’s Beautiful

Whew.
The way relationships expose you to yourself? No one prepares you for that.

Through this relationship, I learned:

• I can be anxious when things feel uncertain
• I sometimes overthink when I actually just need reassurance
• I shut down when conflict feels too heavy
• I expect people to communicate the way I communicate
• I love deeply, loudly, and intentionally, and sometimes need help softening my approach

But I also learned:

• I’m capable of healthy love
• I can unlearn things that aren’t serving me
• I can be patient, even when it’s not natural
• I don’t have to be perfect to be loved
• Growth in a relationship is a two-person job

And seeing Darius grow alongside me?
That’s been the sweetest part.

3. Grace Will Save You More Times Than Anger Will

You can’t love someone long-term without grace.
You can’t build a future without forgiveness.
You can’t keep choosing each other if you refuse to soften sometimes.

There were moments when we both had to sit back and say:
“Okay… maybe I could’ve handled that better.”
“This is coming from stress, not disrespect.”
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, not unloved.”

Grace doesn’t mean ignoring patterns.
It means understanding the person behind the behavior.
It means choosing patience over pride.
It means remembering that you’re not fighting each other, you’re fighting the issue together.

5. Love Will Reveal the Parts of You That Need Healing

A relationship will expose:

• your triggers
• your communication patterns
• your childhood wounds
• your insecurities
• your fears

And at first, I thought something was wrong with us.
But really… it was God showing me the parts of myself that still needed care.

Being with someone who’s willing to grow with you, not rush you, not shame you, not judge you, is a blessing I don’t take lightly.

6. It’s Not Just Romance, It’s Partnership

Our love has survived:

• Long distance
• Busy schedules
• Grad school stress
• Work burnout
• Career uncertainty
• Apartment hunting
• Spiritual rebuilding
• Taking breaks when we needed clarity
• Coming back stronger every time

Being with someone for three years has taught me that the cutest part of love isn’t always the date nights, it’s having a person who is genuinely on your team.

The late-night check-ins.
The unglamorous apologies.
The “call me when you get home.”
The prayer sessions.
The talks that break you down then build you up.
The days when you don’t have it in you, and they still show up.

Love grows in those moments.

Listen, I say these things not to make you think that I have a picture perfect relationship, but to help you understand that Love is not easy. No matter how you want to twist it. Romance, easy, Love is a constant growth towards being better and that is what makes it hard. I caught myself on too many occasions asking God, why cant it just be easy, and it is because joining together as one unit for Christ was never meant to be easy so it takes hard work and perseverance! Keep at it! Pray about it often! TTYL