In the spirit of my anniversary month, all of November will be relationship based blogs!!! Who is excited!
But… let’s be so serious for a second…
There comes a point in your life where you just can’t do the chaos anymore. No more confusion, mixed signals, or “what are we even doing?” energy. At some point, you realize your peace is way too expensive to play with, and your standards start reflecting that.
Welcome to the Soft Love Only era.
The era where you choose love that feels gentle, intentional, safe, and aligned with the woman you’re becoming.
Because listen… being a Big Girl isn’t just about paying bills, meal prepping, and going to the gym four days a week. It’s also about honoring Gods love enough to set the bar and not apologize for it.
✨ Understanding Your Soft Love Standards
I used to think standards meant being “picky.”
Now I know standards simply mean:
- I know what emotionally safe love feels like
- I know what drains me
- And I’m not settling for less because I’ve outgrown survival mode
Standards aren’t rules, they’re boundaries with clarity.
They’re reminders of the love you know God has for you, and the love you want to model in your relationship.
For me, “Soft Love Only” looks like:
- Consistency in communication
- Emotional availability
- Patience during conflict
- Effort without being begged
- Love that feels like partnership, not babysitting
- Being heard, not dismissed
- Praying together and for each other
It’s love that moves gently but still shows up with intention.
💗 Sticking to Your Standards Without Feeling “Mean”
Whew… “No” is a scary word when you’re used to being understanding, forgiving, or the one who adjusts.
But here’s the thing:
Soft love doesn’t mean weak love!
Soft love is peaceful, not passive.
Sticking to your standards looks like:
- Walking away from inconsistency
- Not entertaining half-effort
- Not shrinking yourself just to “keep the peace”
- Saying “this doesn’t work for me” without over-explaining
- Choosing alignment over attention
And the best part?
The right person should not make you feel crazy for asking for the bare minimum. They should meet you where you are and rise with you.
NOW I would be so upset if I did not mention that just because the right person should do these things, lets also be honest with ourselves. No one is the perfect partner. So before giving up on someone completely make sure you are also asking God where you should show some more grace. Everyone is learning, and we will slip up on this every once and a while. But the point is the effort of getting better!
💞 The Role Faith Plays in This
I’m learning more and more that the kind of love God wants for me is gentle, stable, patient, and rooted in purpose.
Every time I’ve lowered my standards, I’ve felt the consequences in my spirit.
Every time I’ve raised them, God has met me with better.
Your standards are not inconveniences, they are God’s way of protecting your heart.
🌸 Loving While Healing
Let’s be real… setting standards doesn’t mean you’re perfect.
I’m still growing.
I’m still learning to communicate softer.
I’m still learning to not shut down during conflict.
I’m still learning that emotional regulation is not a personality trait, it’s a skill.
💐 What Soft Love Looks Like in Real Life
Here’s the real tea:
Soft love isn’t all rose petals and forehead kisses. It’s choosing to love intentionally and choosing yourself deeply at the same time.
It looks like:
- “Let’s talk about it” instead of silent treatment
- “How can I support you?” instead of judgment
- “Let’s pray together” instead of disconnect
- Slowing down instead of rushing
- Being gentle with each other’s triggers
- Loving with clarity, not confusion
It’s grown.
It’s calm.
It’s steady.
It’s… Big Girl Love.
🫶 Final Thoughts
Setting relationship standards is one thing.
Sticking to them is where the real discipline is.
And honestly?
You should be proud of yourself every single time you choose peace over chaos, consistency over confusion, and alignment over attachment.
Your soft love era will ask you to speak up, walk away, recommit to yourself, and let God lead the way but it will shape you into a woman who loves with intention, not fear.
Trust me when I say, I have shed plenty of tears through this process with Darius, and I still will HAHA, but that is the point isnt it? It is the process of growing into a Big Girl. Listen I am no stranger to a difficult relationship. This one has tested and stretched me in ways one day I will go into detail on, but I have learned so much and can honestly say it has forced me to draw closer to God for peace, clarity, and repentance.
Do not give up on yourself. You are worth loving and are capable to give love. Healing takes time and sometimes you have to pause what you have, in order to not lose it forever.
The woman you’re becoming?
She requires soft love only.
And she’s worth every bit of it. TTYL
BIG GIRL TIME 
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